I really need to be writing in here. But I just haven't been able to make myself.
It has been such an emotional 2 weeks. Since dad got back from the hospital he has remained in his hospital bed. We had a few really good days with him. It has been AMAZING to watch mom and him make peace with each other. He could only talk very soft so you had to lean real close to make out what he was saying but he has been apologizing to her and to Katie and I for everything over the years. I have only known my dad sick. I feel like this was the first time my dad has truly been himself. No anger. No pain. Just Ed. I feel like i've only known my dad for a week and now he is going to be gone. im not ready for that. I'm really going to miss him. Mom even said she now remembers the man she fell in love with. He was even using all the energy he could find to yell boo and try to scare my mom when she had the hiccups. Then he layed his head back down and just smiled. Pretty proud of himself. We were all laughing so hard.
I have gotten to tell him that I love him. That I'm proud of him. That he has done a great job but if it's time he can let go and be done. I got to tell him thank you for being such a great dad.
His body is starting to shut down. For the last 2 days he has slept all day, all night. Never opening his eyes. He hasn't eaten for almost 9-10 days. No fluids for awhile. The nurse guesses he has about 1-3 days left. I believe he has held on for so long because he really wanted to make peace with my mom, Katie, and I. And I feel we were all able to do that. Let the past go. Let the hurt go. No more anger. We all did the best we could. Things were hard. He has done a better job with this disease than I ever could have done. And now he gets to be done. He gets his body back. He gets to walk and run again. And I am so happy for him. But my heart breaks my kids will never know their grandpa. I'm really going to miss my dad.
9:30 p.m. - 2013-06-12
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