Ever have one of those days where the bank teller asks ya how you are and you start crying?
It's one thing to have someone die. I've delt with that with granny and grandpa. But I don't know how to watch someone slowly die. How do you do that? It's killing me. Dad is home now. We have a new hospice company. (That has been amazing) He is in bed. Completely out of it. Doesn't know who I am. His swallowing is almost completely gone. Chokes on his spit. Wakes up panicked that he cant breath. he is on oxygen. He sleeps most of the time. But he is not in any pain. Which I am so thankful for.
I'm not doing well. Mom is off in her own little world. Making all sorts of plans of things she wants to do when dads gone. Like she is excited for him to die. Katie is 6 months pregnant so she is an emotional mess. I feel like I have to hold everyone together. And make all the decisions and figure everything out. It also doesn't help that I never learned how to show emotion to my family. (Especially mom) and because of that I hold everything in... and then end up crying to the lady at the bank.
I don't think I'm strong enough to do this.
9:55 p.m. - 2013-06-06
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