The guilt I feel for abandoning my dad is getting to be too much to deal with. No one else feels it or believes I should feel it. But in my mind I don't understand how they can't feel it. We left him there alone in a bed covered in his own blood to go shopping. To have a birthday party. Who does that to someone? Who just leaves them there to bleed out and die? Pretending not to see it. Convincing yourself he is fine. But he wasn't was he!?!? And no he's dead and I can never tell him I'm sorry. So sorry for leaving him alone. In all that pain. For doing nothing. Of all people I know what it feels like to be abandoned to be left alone. I should never have allowed him to feel that to. I don't know how to live with this. But I do l know how to cut.
I'm in love with the movie sucker punch. The mind is an anazing thing and so much about it we don't understand. Something about being able to take yourself to another reality is something very few people can do. But it is really our one strength. Can never get hurt.
We all have a story we'll never tell.
8:07 p.m. - 2013-08-30
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
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Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
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