I really miss my dad today. I've been trying to keep extra busy with play dates and people over but today we didn't have anything scheduled so it was just the kids and I at home. And for some reason the noise of 3 kids wasn't enough to keep it from hurting today.
Then I went to mom and dads house this evening. But mom wasn't there. I haven't been alone in that house since 2006. Dad was always there. And since he has passed someone has always been there when I went over. Bad idea. Really bad idea. I walked in from the garage and it was so quiet and so empty. Lucy is just there alone and she doesn't understand where her constant friend for all those years went. I just sat down on the floor next to the door and cried. Cause he's not coming back. He's never coming back. I have so much guilt for not helping him more. Not understanding how sick he was. How lonely he was. I'm so sorry dad. I just want him to come home. And I know how selfish that is. He didnt want to be here. But I want him back.
7:44 p.m. - 2013-08-23
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