Today as I was feeding the kids lunch Tate asked why Roman's highchair was so dirty. I told him because crumbs and sticky smeared food grosses me out so much and causes me so much anxiety I can't deep clean it. I would much rather clean up anything that comes out of a child...mouth or butt... than wipe down that highchair or stick my hand in a sink full of dirty dishes. He thought for a minute and then in all serious said "I think you have a fear of food."
My issues with food are no secret. But I have never thought of it as a "fear" before. It actually made a lot of sense. I noticed with each baby my anxiety towards food has gotten worse. Whether it's hormonal or just cause I have to keep getting fat who knows. I actually looked in the mirror the other day and for the first time in my life thought I looked too skinny. But then dinner time rolls around and I still can't find something to eat. It's hard to gain weight when nothing sounds good.
Tate did the lemonade diet this past week. Which is really bad for me because if he doesn't eat then I don't. (I can only eat if someone else is eating.) So then i lose weight.
Anyways... Not really sure where I am going with this. It was just kind of strange to me . I always have known eating stresses me out but I never really put two and two together and realized that even the thought of touching crumbs or dirty dishes panics me so much more than anything that could come out of a baby's butt. That maybe it is something about the actual food itself that scares me and not being fat?
Strange.
Gross.
Done talking about this.
9:26 p.m. - 2013-07-28
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
Me - 2015-10-29
mountain dog - 2015-10-24
Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
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