Ky is convinced that I look like Carrie Underwood. ??? Now he has Tate and Jaxson convinced of it too. I don't even think she is that pretty, so it's getting kind of annoying.
I feel like I weigh 1000 pounds. I always forget how much anxiety I get when I gain weight and how panicked I feel. I feel like I am gaining weight faster this time too. Which is even worse. I don't know how to just relax and be ok with it. I know that it will only last so many months and I know I'll be able to lose it and get back to the weight I'm comfortable with without much trying but it's so hard to handle it right now. I feel so out of control when I can't control my weight and my body. And no body really understands that. No body really understands how much pressure I have to be thin. How much pressure everyone else puts on me.
Growing up no one ever told me I was smart or strong or funny. I only got compliments on my looks. On how thin I was. On how pretty I was. Clearly beauty was my strong suit... So I stuck with it. In fact, I became obsessed with it. I knew I would never be the smartest or the most athletic, so I thought I had to be the prettiest, the thinnest. I had to be perfect.
The thing nobody ever bothered to tell me was that nobody is perfect.
8:33 p.m. - 2012-12-15
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