I'm usually pretty content in the fact that I don't need a lot of attention and I'm good being by myself and working through things alone. But I feel very lonely tonight. Maybe it's being pregnant. (at least that's something to blame it on right?)
Tonight we had Tates work Christmas party so I was running around all day trying to get desserts made and the kids taken care of and ready and myself ready (in between throwing up.) I ran down stairs to get the laundry and shut the gate behind me but it didn't click. So while I'm in the laundry room Roman pushes it open and falls all the way down the stairs and cuts his eyebrow wide open on the gate at the bottom of the stairs. He's screaming, there is blood dripping all down his face, in his eye, in his ear, in his mouth. It was horrible. After I put pressure on the cut for a few min it stopped bleeding. And he has seemed ok. But it brused pretty good and the right side of his face is pretty swollen. The cut is pretty deep. And then of course I have to take him to the Christmas party and show everyone Tate works with what a wonderful mother I am. I feel terrible.
I was trying to talk to Tate about it tonight but he has been so preoccupied with work and trying to get the new position that he just sat on the couch and did the whole.. "Yeah. Uh-huh. Yep." thing while I talked. So I gave up and went to bed. Which leads me back to my "I'm lonely" comment. Sometimes I just want to feel like someone is actually listening to me. That someone actually hears me. He is just such a "guy" that he doesn't hear 1/2 the things I say, and the other 1/2 he has forgotten by morning. It just leaves me feeling very alone. Especially when scary things happen to me that have to do with our kids and I want to feel like I have a partner. I guess that's it. I just hate feeling like I'm in this alone.
10:05 p.m. - 2012-12-07
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