I know every mom is like, "my kids are growing up way to fast. I just want to freeze time, keep them little forever." Blah. Blah. Blah.
But I am having severe anxiety over this issue. I can't seem to find a way to just calm down and enjoy the moment. I feel like the sun keeps rising and setting so fast, the days keep going by and I just keeping blinking and missing every moment. Like time is this big allusion I can't figure out.
I think my craziness it is stemming from piper starting kindergarten and roman in pre school and emmi just... being big. I feel like my world is completely changed. And coming from a woman who does NOT accept or handle change well. I am freaking the fuck out!
I really have spent the last 5 years of my life with a baby. There was always multiple mouths I had to hand feed while bottle feeding and diapers (oh, so many diapers) and those late night feedings and the crawling and putting objects in mouths and baby proofing plugs, blocking stairs, hiding breakable things. All of this weird stuff I became such a pro at. But ALL the babies are gone now... probably for good. And it's sad. I'm sad. I feel like they will never depend on or need me that much in their lives ever again. (Yes, I understand Emery is only 2. No, I do not feel I'm over reacting.) I just miss my babies. Things are different now. Even if I'm the only one who can notice. And I'm sad. I don't want the next 5 years to go so fast. I don't want time to keep going so fast. I want to really SEE the moments before they pass. I fear there is so much beauty I'm missing.
11:59 p.m. - 2015-09-13
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
Me - 2015-10-29
mountain dog - 2015-10-24
Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
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