Lucy died last night. She was almost 13, so she was old, but not sick. She was standing there one minute and when my mom turned back around she was laying down. Dead. It was around 10 pm so mom called me down stairs crying.
For some reason I was completely convinced that all I had to do was hold her long enough and she would come back to life. Like all you truely need is enough love and you can never die.
She didn't wake up. (surprise) So either I don't have enough real love to give away or love really never meant much in the grand scheme of things anyways. She was the last little bit of my dad left in this house.
Now my belief that I can keep charlie alive forever just based on the amount of love I have for him is totally shot. I will break when he dies.
Life is hard lately. Things keep dying and going away on me.
8:58 p.m. - 2015-01-26
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