Sometimes I get angry. I feel that people are out there doing whatever they want to do with no fear of hurting other people. That they are using past trama as an excuse to do whatever they want. And I'm over here trying my hardest to keep things together and put on a happy show. But ya know what? I'm angry.
Oh you were sexually abused as a child?... Yeah me too.
You were sucking cock and had fingers inside you at 3 years old? ..Me too.
You were raped as a teenager but don't tell anyone what really happened because you are too embarrassed that he didn't want to risk pregnancy so he fucked you in the ass?... Yep I've been through that.
When you close your eyes can you still feel the pain?... Strange. Me too.
You were smacked around and eventually raped by a guy you were dating in your 20s because no one had ever bothered to tell you that maybe you deserve better?... Yeah been there too
You still feel his hands around your neck and have panic attacks when you have sex with your husband?...Me too
Your father never really want you because you were a girl? And you could never find a way to be quite good enough for him or your mother?... I've lived that too
Why didn't i do that? Why don't i do that? Take the easy way out. Say fuck it and do whatever I have to do to not hurt anymore. To not remember. To maybe be taken seriously. Why am I not an alcoholic or addicted to meth? Why am I trying so hard to pretend?
Sometimes I hug them too tight. Sometimes I kiss them too much. Cause I'll be damned if something bad ever happens to them and they don't feel safe enough to tell me about it. I'll be damned if they don't feel worth something.
9:31 p.m. - 2014-12-13
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
Me - 2015-10-29
mountain dog - 2015-10-24
Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others: