Piper's prayers tonight...
"...thank you for Jesus, and please bless grandpa Ed can come back soon."
Not sure where she gets this stuff. But I think it is the same prayer I have in my heart too.
Halloween is hard this year. Usually my favorite holiday, but I would do anything to have it disappear. The decorations. The silly scary movies I watched as a kid. The pumpkins. Every halloween from before I can remember dad would always carve pumpkins with Katie and I. Even when we got older and his hands stopped working he would sit at the counter while we carved. When we were little Katie and I would be so excited. We would help dad clean the pumpkins out and then we would draw on a sticky note what we wanted our pumpkins to look like and dad would carve it for us. Mine was always scary, and Katie's was always happy. (Not much changed) I never knew till I was in high school how much he hated carving pumpkins. But it was our thing. I'm going to miss not carving them while he watches this year. Not being able to text him pictures of the kids in their halloween costumes. Not being able to text him after jazz games.... and especially after Miami games.
I read a book to Roman tonight that I hadn't read to him since April, the night before we left for Vegas. (weird memory) but it made me ache to go back in time to that day. Like if I were able to go back I could fix things, make everything better, catch things sooner, so dad wouldn't have had to die. If I just had that chance I would pay more attention to how sick he was. I would call different doctors. I wouldn't just sit there and let him die.
There's nothing left to do now but remember.
9:14 p.m. - 2013-10-13
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