This is the talk I gave at my dad's funeral. Miss him every day..
Thank everyone on behalf of my family for being here today. I know a lot of people have gone to a big effort to be here. Many of you come up to see my dad in the past couple of months and then turned around to be back with us today. It means so much to us to have the support at this time.
Thank the Brookhaven ward- never seen such an amazing group of people. All of you have taken such good care of my family. Mowing their lawn. Shoveling their driveway for so many years. All the meals and the friendships.
I want to thank 2 neighbors that helped my mom and dad so much over the years but especially over the last few months. Being on call at all hours of the night to help get my dad in and out of bed. Helping remodel the house to better accommodate my dad�s needs. And also just being such a sweet friend to my dad. I wish somehow I could repay you but... thank you. I know there is a special place in heaven for you and your families.
Thank you everyone who kept in contact with my dad over the years. Seeing him sit in the house day after day year after year all by himself broke my heart. But the days I would come over and he would be on the phone in the other room with his brother Don laughing was the best thing to see. Some of us pace around when we talk on the phone. Well Dad would be driving in circles in his wheelchair just chatting away. Katie and I always thought that was so funny to watching him pacing around in his wheelchair. Don, I know you think you know, but you have no idea how much those calls meant to my dad. Or to me. From the bottom of my heart thank you.
Today I just wanted to share a few stories about what I feel like made my dad my dad. And a few of the important things he taught me in my life.
My Dad, I think like most guys, wanted a son. Instead he got 2 daughters. Not only did he get girls he got girls that did ballet. There weren�t any soccer or basketball games at our house. No, there was dance recitals. But my dad, without fail went to everyone of my ballet recitals and dance competitions with flowers and his video camera from the time I was 3 till I was 18. Never complaining. I actually always thought he liked to go until I got older and looked back at all those performances and thought, wow that must really have been torture for him. But he never made Katie and I feel that way.
Whenever I think of my dad the first picture that comes to my mind is him in his white t shirt with the blue nike logo on it and his dirty jeans working in our garden when I was younger. I think there is actually a couple pictures of him wearing that in the video. When I was little my dad was always working out in the yard or had some kind of project he was working on. I also watched the many times he helped my grandparents at their home. That is one of the things that my mom said first attracted her to my dad is that he was such a hard worker. And that he was so good to his parents. She said their were many times they would spend the day helping his parents at their house and then that evening they would all go on a little double date together. Which helped her develop the great relationship that she had with granny and grandpa. My dad never sat back and expected others to do things for him. He was very independent and when he wanted something he worked hard to get it. When he wanted to learn to play tennis but couldn�t afford lessons he spent hours day after day practicing hitting balls against the wall at the jr high. He taught himself how to play the guitar. I have many memories of my dad playing and singing when I was a little girl. He worked hard for what he had. He taught me you don�t go around looking for hand outs. That the world doesn�t owe you anything that you have to put in work for what you want. And I am very grateful I learned that lesson. And that he taught me how to work.
My dad also taught me the importance of family. We would visit and spend time with my grandparents at least once a week if not more for 10+ years. Some of the best memories of my life we spent visiting granny and grandpa. I am so thankful my dad gave me that opportunity and taught me how truly important family is and the time you spend with them. Because you really never know when you will run out of tomorrows.
I went to beauty school. And before you can cut clients hair you have to bring in a model and cut their hair a certain way for your instructor. My dad has had the same hair cut for... practically forever. And was very particular in how he liked his hair cut and styled. With his little swoopy bangs. But every time I needed a male model to come in and let me practice on their hair (practice being the key word here) He was always a good sport and would come into the salon and be my model. He wouldn�t even go to a real hair salon and get it fixed after. (which in a lot of cases he probably should have) No matter what katie or I were doing he always tried to support however he could.
My dad developed a love for reading over the last 10 years when he started having to spend all his time inside. And that became something him and I could talk about. I think he thought since I was a girl that we wouldn�t have the same taste in books. But I don�t like those romance mushy ones so whenever he came across a good murder mystery he would give it to me. And recommend other ones. I will miss our talks on good books.
If any of you know my dad you know he is very frugal. But because of that he taught me the value of money. And of saving for a rainy day. It was very important to my dad not to be in debt. He worked very hard and saved so he was able to accomplish that in his life time. The last week of his life my dad slept most of the time and didn�t open his eyes or talk very much. We always had a fan going in his room because he would get so hot. One day he opened his eyes and noticed the fan wasn�t on. Katie said �oh, sorry dad.� And as she got up to turn it it. He just smiled and said �you were probably just trying to save money.� Then went back to sleep. I think he was really proud that all his years of teaching us to turn off lights and fans payed off and we were listening to him. But sorry dad, we really just forgot.
He could never throw food away. No matter how old the food was in the fridge he would not let us throw it away and he would eat it. Katie and I thought that spoiled food would really be what would do him in. He would have taco bell or caf� rio that was at least 2 or so weeks old and he would eat it. We would be having sunday dinner and dad would say �well i better eat my cafe rio. We would look at him and say �dad that doesn�t look very good.� He would say �it�s not.� But keep eating. I never asked him about it. I always just figured that was my dad. I think it was Tate one day that was finally asked him �Ed why are you eating that?� He told us, with tears in his eyes, after 2 years in Korea seeing people actually starve to death, and little children with no food. He physically could not throw food away. It made me look at him in a whole new light. He developed a true love for the people there. And it still hurt him to think of their condition all these years later.
When I was around 19 I got this great idea about how fun it would be to have a hot tub. I figured there was probably no way but I mentioned it to my dad. Without me knowing my dad called around and researched the best ones and within a couple weeks we had a hot tub. He was so excited to show me he got the one with the radio and cd player. And he know I would loved the lights in the tub because they changed colors she he made sure to get those. He was so excited to do something for me. It wasn�t necessary, we didn�t need a hot tub, but he knew it would make me happy. He did find joy in making other people happy. We got a lot of good use out of that hot tub, and still are.
My dad had a love of the gospel. I always knew he knew the gospel was true. He always made sure to share his testimony with Katie and I. Even when things got hard for him he never got so angry with God and stopped believing. My mom and dad always tried to have family home evening every week. And to read the scriptures as a family every morning. I am definitely not a morning person. And waking up 30 minutes earlier every morning to read scriptures when I was in high school really did not seem like a good idea to me at the time. But It showed me how important that was to have in your life. At times like these I am especially thankful for what my parents taught me throughout my life and for my belief I will see my dad again. That this is only goodbye for a short time.
I know my dad was very grateful for all my mom did to take care of him. She hung on with him every step of the way and took amazing care of him till the very end. Never complaining. He would make comments to me the last few months about what a good job she was doing and how thankful he was for her helping him. While my dad was laying in bed a few days before he passed he asked my mom, whispering cause you could barely hear him, �Do I seem appreciative?� My mom told him �of course Ed! Everyone knows you are very appreciative of what they are doing.� Then he said, �no, but do you know I appreciate YOU?� She was who he was most worried about.
I feel like a lot of people never got to meet who my dad really was because they only knew him when he was sick. I am very thankful for the last few weeks I was able to spend with my dad. I felt like he was back to the person he was before he got sick. Not Ed with MS, (which is the only way I ever knew my dad) but Ed. No more anger, no more bitterness or pain. He would tell jokes, and was so kind and appreciative for everything everyone was doing for him. It made me feel like I�ve really only know my dad for 2 weeks and now he is going to go and i�m not ready for him to leave yet. I wanted more time with him. I am going to miss him dearly.
I always wanted a certain kind of relationship with my dad. You know like the kind from a TV sitcom or something unrealistic like that. I wanted more than anything for him to be proud of me. I was sitting in his room with him one day last week. He had been unresponsive almost all day keeping his eyes closed and not talking. As I watched him lie there it made me realize that he probably wanted that too. After all that he had been through he probably wanted someone to be proud of him. At this point in my life I realize how hard it is to be a parent. You really have no idea what you are doing and make a lot of mistakes. But you do the very best you can. So squeezing his hand a little tighter I said �I�m proud of you dad. You have fought for so long and you have done an amazing job. I am so lucky to have you for my dad. I love you.� As I was talking he looked at me with tears in his eyes and mouthed �i�m proud of you.� Then he closed his eyes and went back to sleep. After that I realized that we both did the best we could. And that it was definitely good enough. Sometimes you don�t have the perfect relationship that you think you want with people. But looking back on it you wouldn�t trade the relationship you did have for anything.
If there is one thing I have learned about my dad over the years it�s that he is a fighter. As the many nurses, aids, and doctors came in and out of our home the past 2 weeks that is the one word I heard them use over and over. After he passed the nurse got to our house she looked at Katie and I and said, �you girls should be very proud of your dad. This man is a fighter. I�ve never seen anything like it.� He truly fought and endured to the very end.
When one of my friends heard about the news of my dad passing she sent me a little note that said �I am sure you dad has climbed a couple mountains in heaven by now.� I started thinking there may not be tennis courts in heaven, but their has to be mountains and I am sure she is right. He has probably climbed a few, with the biggest smile on his face.
You did it dad! You fought to the end and you made it. I am so happy for you. But our home will always be a little empty without you here. Please keep an eye on us because we will always need you. Until I see you again� I love you dad.
June 22, 2013
10:45 p.m. - 2013-08-06
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