Where to even begin?.... A lot of emotions . Dad started bleeding (like i mentioned) clots and clots of blood tues night. it continued for 3 days. the nurse would not come and check him no matter how many times mom called. she kept saying "the dr says it just needs to heal so just keep him in bed. (the dr never came out to see dad or the amount of blood either). So neither person had any idea what they were talking about.
Friday night around 7 mom calls me crying saying something isn't right dad is bleeding even more. That it's everywhere and that he is throwing up blood. That a few minutes ago he was gurgling and she thought she lost him for a minute. I hurried over there. I know people say this a lot but he honestly was as white as a sheet. Had clots of gel like blood all over. He was so out of it. Katie and Blake got there. And bishop and the hansens. Then the night nurse finally came. She went in and looked at dad a few minutes later mom was like "girls I need you to come in here for a minute." The nurse told us that we had to make a decision. Dad was going to bleed out if we didnt get him to a hospital. He also hadn't peed for 3 days (cause no one knows how to put in a damn catheter.) so his stomach and bladder were expanding and he was in so much pain. She said his bladder would rupture. So we had to decide if we would let him pass away at home or get him to the hospital. I knew he wanted to be done with this life and I get that. I would be done too if I had to live the way he does but it wasn't right. I couldn't let him die like this. So panicked and in so much pain. And who knows how long it would take. i couldnt leave him in all that pain. Dad kept opening his eyes so I asked him if he would go to the hospital. I promised we wouldn't do any surgeries to prolong his life but to get the pain under control and see what they could do. He was really out of it but said he would go to the hospital. We called 911 to get an ambulance. That was a complete joke also. 4 grown men couldn't figure out of to get a stretcher into dads room. It took Blake to suggest using the garage stairs. Then they pretty much dropped him on the way down the stairs. He was in so much pain. It was horrible to watch. I was very unimpressed with those guys.
We get him to the emergency room and it was pretty much a joke there too. They finally figured out whoever put the catheter in from hospece did it wrong and ruptured something (don't remember the medical names) causing all the bleeding. Then it took hospice a month to figure out he had a UTI so a fever and infection stared weakening his body. When they finally did decide to check for a UTI this week they never checked his kidneys they just put him on an antibiotic that started shutting down his kidneys. Because his kidneys weren't working and neither was the catheter he hadn't peed for over 3 days which caused his potassium levels to spike and started shutting down his heart. Those complete idiots from hospice nearly killed him. He would have ultimately died from a UTI. You don't die from a UTI in 2013. That is so ridiculous.
He finally got checked into icu around 5 Saturday morning. Where he stayed till around 3 this afternoon (Sunday) he had an amazing nurse. And we liked the dr. They got him all flushed out got all the urine and blood clots out of his stomach which relieved all that pain and caused his potassium levels to come back down to where they should be. His kidneys are better but still struggling some but they think once the infection is gone they will get better. They put him on a different UTI prescription (which won't kill him.) and they expect him to go home on Tuesday.
We are looking into a new hospice company. Met with one today but Blake and I didn't like them so they will meet with another one tomorrow afternoon. Hope to have everything in place before dad comes home. We need a lot more aids and someone at the house with him all the time.
Don and sue drove up from Tucson last night and got here this afternoon. To see dads face light up when Don walked in the room and laugh at dons stories about growing up was so great to see.
It's been a very emotionally draining weekend. We were 100% positive we were going to lose him Friday night. I think when you have a really close relationship with someone it would almost be easier to have them pass away in this kind of a situation because you could remember the good memories with them. But I have always wanted a relationship with my dad. Always desperately wanted him to be proud of me. And then realizing that the hope of that ever happening is gone and I'm never going to have that relationship hurts really bad. To watch someone that you have always seen as so big and strong. That never cried be in so much pain and lay in that hospital bed looking so small and fragile. Not even able to wipe his own mouth. It breaks my heart. The skin on his arms and face is different. But his hands look the same as I always remember them. They still look strong. And that was strangly comforting to me.
His swallowing has gotten so bad he can't even swallow water any more. If that continues he will have to get a feeding tube. I don't know if I can deal with that. There is a lot of this that I mentally don't know if I can deal with. It has been a long hard weekend. Between staying at the hospital and being up all night with a 2 week old and dealing with a 3 year old and a 19 month old I am exhausted.
To be able to get cold rags for his head, feed him ice, rub his neck and wipe his mouth for the past 2 days has actually been very therapeutic for me. I really needed that to kinda help me make peace with our relationship in some strange way. I saw my parents kiss on the lips for the first time in my life yesterday. It was so strange. And my dad actually told my mom he loved her. I have never heard him say that.
12:26 p.m. - 2013-06-03
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