LeRae called us early this morning to tell us Jourdans brother (Treavors wife) shot and killed his girlfriend last night in there apartment and then went across to an elementary school yard and shot and killed himself. He has had problems with depression and mental illness for a long time. I met him once at Devon's baby blessing. He was Jourdans only sibling. No one is really sure what they were fighting about. Really sad deal for her.
Today was just one of those days. Piper has been driving me insane. I hate people who use the word "literally" all the time and when they can't really mean it but in all honestly I really think I am literally going crazy. Pipes hasn't napped anymore for about 2 weeks now which is not good. We no longer get a MUCH needed 2 hour break from eachother but now she is so tired that EVERYTHING is so emotional and we have to fight and battle about everything. She is very into kicking and hitting roman and Charlie. She is always screaming. NEVER does anything I ask. Never. I am just so worn out. Tate came home the other day late from work and I was just sobbing in the bathroom. I just couldn't do it anymore. She breaks me. And it's just day in day out with no outs or help since Tate works so much. I'm just hanging on at the very end. I just feel like I have nothing left to give back. I just feel completely broken. Somedays I feel I need a little reassurance that I am an ok mom and I am doing my best. But I never get that from anyone. My mom. Tate. My sister. No one. I feel very alone.
Roman did actually take his first "no help" steps today. He is my little breath of fresh air. If i decided to run away id take Roman with me. Just us two. I think it would work out great. My little buddy. He's all i need. He just turned 11months old. So that was fun to see he'll be up and moving before too long.
Tate is going in for surgery Nov. 5. So he will be gone for 14 days come home for one week get surgery and then be down for 3-4 weeks. SUCKS!!! It's during this kinda stuff I really start to resent hunting.. and him. Cause it's like "yeah go play with your buddies with no responsibilities for 14 days while I do everything at home. Then come home, get caught up on work for a week (so I still don't get help) then get surgery and lay in bed and rest for 3+ weeks while I will take care of YOU AND two kids. But no, I'm fine with it. Thanks for asking." I'm not trying to sound unsympathetic about him having to get surgery. I get how that must suck for him. But he just never stops to ask or care how it will affect me with him gone so much. but then again that would just mean he would have to care about me right? Silly me... silly me..
12:41 p.m. - 2012-09-22
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
Me - 2015-10-29
mountain dog - 2015-10-24
Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
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