I remember being in 4th grade and being too afraid to sleep at night cause of the guilt, cause I had secrets, cause I would soon be in trouble. I used to leave my lamp on and read goosebumps books till I fell asleep.
It never changed.
17 years later I'm too afraid to sleep at night. Because of the guilt. Because I have secrets. Because I'm so afraid and there isn't a fucking think I can do about it.
I'm tired of being that little girl. My heart breaks for her. Maybe if someone would have been there for her all those years ago I wouldn't be the way I am today. Maybe if someone would have listened to her. Let her heal. Let her move on. But nobody did. Nobody was there. We moved into that stupid house and it was hell. And no one will talk about it. They wont admit it wasn't ok.
I'm tired of being that scared 10 year old. My body is so tired from so many years. I just want somebody to make it stop.
2:09 a.m. - 2012-06-30
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