I feel very defeated today. Sad and alone. I want to feel appreciated. I want to feel like what I do, all day, every day, matters. I want Tate to actually put effort into something. It's hard to be home alone with the kids every day. It's lonely. It is mentally exhausting to constantly have them at you. Constantly having to meet someone else's needs. Constantly having to figure out why they are crying-and how to make it stop. Then to not have anyone acknowledge what you do hurts. I'm drained. I need a break. I miss having a job. I miss feeling like I contribute to something. I miss feeling like what I do matters. I try so hard. It hurts when Piper would rather be with her dad, or anyone else but me. I have to sit in sacrament and hear a lady give her talk on how her mom had 8 kids and still got everyone to church 10 min early and I only have 2 and no matter how hard I try we are always still 5 min late. I feel like a failure. I'm just so thankful for this holiday. Happy Mother's day.
9:15 p.m. - 2012-05-13
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