I take back everything I said in my last entry. I don't know why I get into those little weak moments but it's not happening again. I was stupid to even wish that someone could love, or even like me. But believe me that wish is long gone and I am completely content with being alone for the rest of my life. I'm tired of all these games and I'm not playing anymore. GAH! It's so stupid. I'm so stupid for thinking we could actually be friends.
I'm calling Kelsey tomorrow and telling her that I'm not going to the soccer game on Tuesday anymore. I don't want to. And I'm practically positive that he doesn't even want me there. So by me not going both of us can be happy.
Kelsey showed up at my sacrement today. I went to my home ward. Matt spoke for his mission farewell (even though that's not what it's called) he did a really good job. I wish we could have gotten to be better friends. But we never could because of that stupid unwritten law between the guys and girls in the ward that says you can't be friends with a wardie. We still always said hi to each other at school and smiled at each other at church. It was kinda like a little secret friendship. But oh well, it's probably for the best anyways. Cause it we would have been friends then i'd have probably ended up hateing him like I do all the other guys in this world. :) If God's so perfect then how'd he screw up so bad when it came to makeing the male gender? I'll just never figure that one out. Actually what I really do think happened is he forgot to program men's hearts to work. So they just remain cold and dark inside their bodies. That's why they can kill and hurt people and not have it affect them. I wish I had a heart like that. (not the killing part) Mine is WAY too tender. But I'm working on it. I am a lot colder inside then I used to be. And it's better that way. It's better not to feel.
8:59 p.m. - Apr. 11, 04 Easter
Recent entries:
too many times - 2016-03-24
Dance - 2015-11-05
Me - 2015-10-29
mountain dog - 2015-10-24
Roman turns 4 - 2015-10-17
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